The uncommon common-sense

I've encountered so many types of people in my life. There are obviously more, but I've seen quite a lot too (tak nak kalah).

Unfortunately, earlier this year I kind of have to mingle with a girl who 'how-to-say' desperately in need of other people possession regardless she really need it, want it or doesn't need it at all (go for it first, think about the necessity later). She will be the first to emerge out of the crowd whenever some one in the group utter the magic words free item. Well, mind you that is not the most annoying part. The ridiculous one comes later whenever there is someone who manage to book the free item first, then she will go like; "alaa.... i want that thing but never mind, give it to xxxx (hence the name of the person whom manage to book it first) since i don't even know when to use it anyway" my God! did you see the contrary? Why the need of the long comfort sentence if you do not even need it? For Godsake, let the one who desperately in need of that item to have it could you? Or are you just trying to reverse-psycho that person so that she will go; "Eh, you want it? Never mind, you can have it".

And as if the habit is not annoying enough, recently the behavior escalate rather quickly from 'wanting all the free item' to 'wanting-everything-i-can-see-regardless-the-owner's-excuses-i-have-to-have-it'. Well I'm rather dumbfounded with this situation, where did your shyness went to? Do you think that you are the only person whom are allowed to have conditions? There must be thousand reasons why people didn't offered you their things. Whether they need it, they keeping it for their beloved person, or they are helping someone to keep for it or any other reason that could be under the sky. Well you my dear, have to re-learn common sense. The world does not revolved around you.

I tried giving some soft lecture and gentle reminder. It is not working and she seems like she does not understand my reminder at all. I rather not using my normal tone as it would be super-harsh on her. Mind you she did cried before when I tried to confront her about something that she seems to be misunderstand about me. Difficult personality? Yeah I could say it rather is. She could be very extreme in wanting other people belongings, and very timid when accepting others' opinion. Kids nowadays are spoiled I guess.

The not-so-betrayed but still annoyed

Can't people just be honest with others who helped them, or at least themselves?

I just gotten myself involved with a freaky pair who claimed each other as best friends. You know the relationship which are described as having mutual interaction where both party gain benefit and benefiting (is this even a word?) each other. I have an advantage on my hand of knowing the extension date of the scholarship which one of them really need, while the other one not really in need of. While I was telling the one in-need, F, the one not-so-in-need, S overheard and decide to opt for it too, where in my opinion, it was not so appropriate. So I just speak out my mind and I guess  S is not really comfortable with my words (hey, at least I was being frank) and F decide to stick with her so-called-bestfriend  together because to her thinking, she doesn't want to betray her. So they decide to lie to me instead, in a condition where they don't have to lie.

The situation goes like;
S: Hey L (Me), did you manage to get the DDOPG signature for the application?
L: I did. I manage to get Dr. S to sign on the spot. But I didn't asked about your form.
S: No. Both me and F didn't send ours
L: oh... i see

Little did S know that beforehand, the nice DDOPG PA did told me that both S and F send their application and have gotten back their's earlier that day.

I was fine with them proceeding with their application, not waiting for me. I don't give any damn. I do not own the scholarship you know. I can very much proceed with mine alone without any support from fellow friends. But I just pissed with the lying. Couldn't you just find a clever way to lie? Or perhaps you don't have to lie at all. Just keep silent. I think that would be better.

-Seriously pissed L-

You know you wanted to write but you just don't have any point

Hence the post after quite some times. I should write about my daily rant, gossips or thought but I just don't know how. I have stories about how people can be ridiculous at times but again, I did not know how to write it humorously. I might just end up writing a 'supposed-to-be' funny story in a very scientific and academical way. lol. And up til now, I still couldn't figure what should I write.

Progress:
I have 3 paper due, 1 in progress-correction phase
1 upcoming proceeding
Thesis chapters; 1 to 6 and still going haywire

Fighting the negativity

I am sure I either read or heard somewhere that

 'If you want to be happy, stop fighting the negativity and embrace the beautiful art of self-encouragement' 

-quoted-

Lately I reckon I wake up every morning with a damn black cloud surrounding my head. I complete my morning routine successfully; Subuh, wake the husband up, prepare his cup of Nescafe (or breakfast if he feels like having something other than cereal), prepare the husband work attire, feed the cats, clear their litter boxes, check out Monalisa (mind you, our Guinea Pig), top-up his (and YES it's a HE!) food and water, clear-up the mess he made, accompany hubs for his breakfast, wave him goodbye, took my shower, lazying around having my cup of coffee or tea, playing with the cats, get ready and off to school. And the routine repeated every morning during weekdays. Seems like a good wife I am, but I did feels like something missing, or plain, or dark, or I don't even know how to describe it. Whatever it is, it is so damn inconvenience for me. 

I am losing the confidence I always wear when I was one goddamn-hot-competence career lady. I feel lost, unattractive, fat (I was always fat but it doesn't matter that much before) and powerless. Oh dear, what the hell is happening to me? 

 I haven't yet get the chances to tell my husband and I don't know whether I should tell him. Being a man, he will obviously try to fix everything, and that will definitely causing my negativity to multiply. It is the last thing that I would want. I can put a mask and act as usual just fine in front of him while fighting my dark self silently (now this sounds weird LOL). And believe me I always felt at ease when he was not around. Seriously what is wrong with me??? Whatever it is, I know this is not good. Am I having some sort of silent depression?

If you think that this post is about my journey fighting the negative me, nope. I haven't succeeded in combating my own insecurities. In fact, I'm so pissed off at the moment  because my youngest kitten keep running back and forth across my laptop, messing with my keyboard. 

Dear God, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??

It has been a long time

Hello, Hi..

I hope it is not too late to be wishing all Chinese around to world 'Happy Chinese New Year'. It has been ages since I last wrote my previous entry. I cant believe it has been almost a year I'm ignoring this blog. Wohooo!! Been busy with life and writing and journals and life again. There are not much things that happen to me.. Only that I meet a few friends, and lost some too.. Some friends walk away for they have their own life, while some others just walk away due to their own crisis which they tend to deny it and put the blame on other people, and some just disappear. LOL

Postgrad life is so-so-so much challenging than my old routine. But I get something out from it. Though it might be too early to say that my PG life is great, I choose to believe so. After all, I believe in Law of Attraction and I choose to embrace all the obstacles and re-modify it into a beautiful painting instead of a gibberish one. Negativity? Talk to my hand!

For my new year resolution (I wish it is not too late), I wish to finish my study by the end of this year.

And hey! Lets hope for a colourful and joyful 2016!