'If you want to be happy, stop fighting the negativity and embrace the beautiful art of self-encouragement'
-quoted-
Lately I reckon I wake up every morning with a damn black cloud surrounding my head. I complete my morning routine successfully; Subuh, wake the husband up, prepare his cup of Nescafe (or breakfast if he feels like having something other than cereal), prepare the husband work attire, feed the cats, clear their litter boxes, check out Monalisa (mind you, our Guinea Pig), top-up his (and YES it's a HE!) food and water, clear-up the mess he made, accompany hubs for his breakfast, wave him goodbye, took my shower, lazying around having my cup of coffee or tea, playing with the cats, get ready and off to school. And the routine repeated every morning during weekdays. Seems like a good wife I am, but I did feels like something missing, or plain, or dark, or I don't even know how to describe it. Whatever it is, it is so damn inconvenience for me.
I am losing the confidence I always wear when I was one goddamn-hot-competence career lady. I feel lost, unattractive, fat (I was always fat but it doesn't matter that much before) and powerless. Oh dear, what the hell is happening to me?
I haven't yet get the chances to tell my husband and I don't know whether I should tell him. Being a man, he will obviously try to fix everything, and that will definitely causing my negativity to multiply. It is the last thing that I would want. I can put a mask and act as usual just fine in front of him while fighting my dark self silently (now this sounds weird LOL). And believe me I always felt at ease when he was not around. Seriously what is wrong with me??? Whatever it is, I know this is not good. Am I having some sort of silent depression?
If you think that this post is about my journey fighting the negative me, nope. I haven't succeeded in combating my own insecurities. In fact, I'm so pissed off at the moment because my youngest kitten keep running back and forth across my laptop, messing with my keyboard.
Dear God, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??
